Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, do you have a couple of extra blankets? Thx. I get cold.
Stewie [Addie’s 7-year-old brother]: I’m having a sleepover upstairs with the dog.
Casey: Addie, where are you sleeping?
Addie: On this here Love Sac. [Does a cartwheel down $225 cheese mat in the middle of living room and lands, over-rotated, on $350 Love Sac.]
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, can I eat one of the cupcakes I decorated? I know I already had one, but…and what’s the WiFi password?
Winnie: I can say your last name, too. “Mrs. Santangelo.”
Anna: Sometimes…sometimes I call my teacher Mrs. Lemani instead of Mr. Lemani. I don’t know why. I just do.
Winnie: Have you ever called your teacher “Mama”? I have.
Anna: Mrs. Santangelo, are the boys and girls in your classes boyfriend and girlfriend?
Casey: I used to have a boyfriend named Kyle, but then he pushed me off a bus seat and I was like, [snap] we’re done!
Winnie: Mrs. Santangelo, Casey used to have a boyfriend named Kyle, but then he pushed her off a bus seat and she was like, [snap] I’m done!
Casey: I just said that.
Addie: Stewie, stop FARTING on my Love Sac.
Winnie: Do you know I’ve been constipated since the day I was born?
Anna and Addie: What does that mean?
Winnie: Means my poop isn’t right.
Kasey: I can’t get online.
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, can I have some more popcorn?
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, do you want a piece of popcorn?
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, it’s been in my mouth.
Teagan: Too many people on the network.
Kasey: Who you spying on, Anna?
Anna [Head wrapped burqua-like in pink fleece]: It’s a secret.
Kasey: I just got kicked off. The password one more time, Addie?
Octavia: Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I need to sleep.
Anna: Yeah, guys. My mom said I can’t stay up too late because we might be going skiing tomorrow.
Winnie: Again? Where?
Winnie: Oh, I been there.
Anna: You wanna come?
Winnie: No. I said I been there.
Anna: If people don’t start going to bed soon, I’m gonna die.
Kasey: Why are Winnie and Anna fighting?
Anna: Because I don’t like sleeping with other people.
Stewie to Kasey: You ever seen my room?
Stewie: You wanna see it now?
Stewie: It’s not messy at all. I promise you that. [Sticks thumb in mouth.]
Winnie: I hope there are no terrorists under this blanket here.
Anna: Everybody quiet for a second. I’m trying to film the opening scene to my Video Star.
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, Stephie said that M&Ms will make me die. Is that true?
Stephie: That’s not how I said it. I said that the dye in them is bad for you and if you eat too much of it, you might die.
Casey: But all I want is three little bags. I mean, they’re really little. Look at how little they are. [Spits a little chocolate in her enthusiasm; rustles empty bag.]
Teagan: Eh. Worst case, you’ll end up in the hospital.
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, Kasey’s trying to push my bed over a cliff.
Addie: Kasey—I mean, Casey—I mean, wait. Why do you both have the same name, anyway?
Winnie: I can see your underwear from here, Casey.
Casey [Twists around to look]: Yeah, you like the pattern?
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, the other night, I went to a restaurant, and I ate food. I was so happy.
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, you got strawberries with whipped cream?
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, how about a corn muffin?
Anna: Guys, Octavia Morgan is trying to sleep, and you’re not letting her sleep. And she needs to sleep because…well…she’s Octavia Morgan.
Addie to Stewie: Did you just spill those Nerds on my Love Sac?
Stewie: I’m gonna lend you girls my mattress. You can sleep on it tonight. I don’t mind.
Casey: Eew! I’m not sleeping on his mattress! Boys pee on their mattresses! Who here doesn’t wanna sleep on Stew’s mattress?
[Nine hands go up.]
Anna: Guys, don’t repeat this story, because it’s a really, really sad one. But this one time, when I was really little, I had this really high fever, but my mom had a nails appointment, and she took me with her even though I was really, really sick. And so the nail lady was trying to be nice and she said that she could make me feel better and she put my feet in hot water…and I peed my pants. I wanted to go home. I was still really really sick and everything. And then my mom said, “Can this lady just finish my nails first?”
Casey: This one time, I dreamed I peed, and it came alive! [Jazz hands.]
Winnie: My nose hurts.
Teagan: It’s not my fault. You jumped on me and I put my arm up to push you off and your nose got in the way of my hand. Don’t come crying to me.
Winnie: I think I want to go home.
Teagan: Good luck getting a text to go through.
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, can I have some cheese? I like cheese. Some nice cheese to relax.
Casey: Mrs. Santangelo, can I have some tea so I can go to bed?
Casey: How about some caffeine?
Addie: Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I have an announcement to make. HEY GUYS.
Casey: Addie, can I have some sprinkles?
Casey: Howbout frosting? Addie?
Casey: Addie, where’s your mom? I need her.
Addie: Um…I think she’s in the kitchen cooking the bacon for the morning. Or maybe…maybe she’s decorating her own cupcakes with the leftover BB8 Deco candies. Or she might be in the family room in the dark on her hands and knees picking up little pieces of popcorn from when we watched The Gabby Douglas Story. She could be taking a walk but I don’t think she left the house cause it’s almost midnight. You know what? She could be writing on her computer. But I’m not totally sure.
Casey: Oh there you are, Mrs. Santangelo. Are you okay? You look like my mom does at the end of school vacation. I’m full. What’s for breakfast tomorrow?